I'll laugh all the way to hell.
August 2011
It’s funny how the human brain can take everything you know about a person and adjust your perception of their face accordingly.
“The mind I love must have wild places, a tangled orchard where dark damsons drop in the heavy grass, an overgrown little wood, the chance of a snake or two, a pool that nobody’s fathomed the depth of, and paths threaded with flowers planted by the mind.”
-Katherine Mansfield
out with it
Stumbling, as if righteously intoxicated, I can feel my face burn all shades of red, a color enhanced by an exceedingly wild appearance. The cooling sensation rushes to add a kick to my pulse, as if ricocheted into the air and tumbling down again, firework-style. I run faster. I pretend - escaping the danger of a faceless, daunting hunter. As the sweat coalesces into a beaded cluster, my skin begins to feel like armor. Nearly thirty seconds have passed. Stop counting, I tell myself, and stop thinking everything at once. And here, I melt, knee-deep in the muck, sucking the air deep into my chest and then fiending for another gasp. Adrenaline - once, twice, over and over it coerces my legs into silent propellers. I work at the practice until I am sure that I have emptied my lungs. I cough, sputter. Stay strong, steady. In waves, I distribute my self-made and faultless drug throughout my bright blood. Out with it.
“If you end up with a boring miserable life because you listened to your mom, your dad, your teacher, your priest, or some guy on television telling you how to do your shit, then you deserve it.”
—Frank Zappa
Owen - I Believe
“‘Explore me’ you said and I collected my ropes, flasks and maps, expecting to be back home soon. I dropped into the mass of you and I cannot find the way out. Sometimes I think I’m free, coughed up like Jonah from the whale, but then I turn a corner and recognise myself again. Myself in your skin, myself lodged in your bones, myself floating in the cavities that decorate every surgeon’s wall. That is how I know you. You are what I know.”
—Written On The Body
i don't decide what i remember
I encouraged myself to let go; the base of this great hill was always warmer than its peak. I released my fingernails from the dirt they were lodged into, and began my descent from there. My heart raced, palpitating and always repeating. The noise of nostalgia flowed from the space between my lips, somehow made new amidst this atmosphere. Finally my body stopped rotating and, submissively, I felt my body collapse and crumple up. I must have resembled a burning, dancing twig engulfed in flame. The universal sound of innocence enveloped me. I thought to myself about auras, and if they were really hanging about in the air outlining some-body. I am so much older now, but I know I felt safety then — not in the metal-chains on bars sort of way, but in the way that my straw-toned baby hairs, reminiscent of the leaf-crunching on hay rides, would tickle and fall into my eyes with each passing breeze. In the way, I thought, of my right view of the world. This is the way I think.
alone
slow warm death
slow warm death- alone
MY CAT RETURNED
I am so happy. :)
“But I think it’s very healthy to spend time alone. You need to know how to be alone and not be defined by another person.”
—Olivia Wilde
“The sea’s only gifts are harsh blows, and, occasionally, the chance to feel strong. Now, I don’t know much about the sea, but I do know that that’s the way it is here. And I also know how important it is in life not necessarily to be strong, but to feel strong, to measure yourself at least once, to find yourself at least once in the most ancient of human conditions, facing the blind, deaf stone alone with nothing to help you but your hands and your own head.”
—Into The Wild
MY CAT ESCAPED
I don’t care who you are or where you reside, go outside now and look for Teddy. He’s white and very light brown, the colors of fall, or leaves turning. He has chestnut brown eyes that will be glowing red in the dark. Oreo misses him. I miss him. Help.
